grin & BARE it.

So, last week I decided to do a boudoir photo shoot with our wedding photographer as a little "surprise-y-prise" for the future hubs. Now when I say "boudoir" you may think "skeezy sleezy lemon peasey", however, not only is our photographer ah-freaking-mazing, she is also incredibly tasteful.  It was sprung on me with a small 2 week notice.  Now when I had envisioned my boudoir session I had thought I would have a firm tush and basically six pack, not my current case of "jiggle-butt".   But  I sucked it up and did it.  It was the weirdest experience.  Like I wasn't fully aware of what was going on as I pranced around in undies and did sexy crawl poses on the bed.  I woke up the next day feeling like I worked out from sucking in my stomach for 2 hours.  Back story to my body.  I have no boobs.  Like think...34A.  Really, besides my jiggle butt, I am mostly happy with my body, so boob size is of little concern to me.  Until this boudoir shoot.  I thought perhaps I should get a little....umph.  Some help in that area.  So the night before the shoot, I frantically ran to target at 9:37 trying to find something...I grabbed some inserts, one set of slightly padded cups and one set of full out I just got a EE boob silicone inserts.
I ended up using the more natural ones, and even then I only wore them for the first outfit.   So in the cold and rainy Ohio weather today, I traipsed over to target to return my 18.99 silicones, that I never used.  I went in, and there was one person in front me.  The girl doing the returns was about 17 and busty.  I thought "greaaaat, can't wait to return these breast inserts"!  But I sucked it up.  Some very nice older gentleman came over from the photography department came over saying he could help me.  Double great.  I did hesitate for a second.  I almost said "that's ok, I can wait...."  But again, I sucked it up.  So I take the inserts out of the bag and laid them upside down with the recipt in the false hopes he would quickly scan the barcode and we would be done.  Obviously, that didn't happen.  He turned the package over and I swear he jumped.  Now let me explain this packaging to you.  It consists of an already vuloptuos lady, showing only her boobs.  She has one insert already in, making it extra, extra busty.  The other insert is getting ready to be out in the other side with her hand pulling down the bra.  Is basically soft porn.  Especially to this 65 year old unsuspecting man.  He said to me "did you not like the product"?  We had an awkward moment at the end where I think he wanted to ask me out.



Lessons: be comfortable enough in your own ski that you can avoid awkward returns.  They also had butt inserts at target.  That would have just sealed the deal.